Tips for your Wedding Vows

When it comes to your wedding vows and how to write them, it is easy to feel a little overwhelmed or nervous. How do you tell your person how much you love them and how excited you are to spend your life with them in just a few sentences? 

There is no right or wrong way for how to write your wedding vows, there is only the right way for you and your partner. So while you may be busy choosing decor, sending invites, and creating timelines, I’d encourage you to pause. Reflect on the love you have for one another and the life you imagine creating together – your values, your quirks, your goals, your journey. And then take a moment to answer the following questions.

How do we express our love to one another in an everyday setting?

Are you quirky, lighthearted, and goofy? Are you sentimental and sweet? Somewhere in between? 

Your vows should feel true to your relationship. Not everyone is quick-witted, just as not everyone is open and emotional. Don’t put too much pressure on what you think your vows should be. Instead, focus on how you express your love to one another. 

Talking with your partner about this can help relieve some of the stress of writing your vows. You will know exactly to expect and exactly how you should approach your own. It’s as easy as being yourselves. 

Do we want to create a structure for our vows or do we want to let each other write freely?

You might be thinking, “Sarah, a structure for wedding vows? Seems a little too essay-like for us.” But hear me out! Creating an agreed upon structure for how to write your wedding vows might be the perfect way to break down your writer's block and make you both much more comfortable. 

A great example of this was written by Erin Ruth in her own blog post on how to write intentional wedding vows. Erin and her partner explain how together they created a structure for their vows. Their breakdown was: 

Introduction of Intent or Praise
Main Promises 
Declaration of Love

And while both Erin and her partner took different approaches, the outline of their vows had purposeful symmetry. Personally, I thought it was a beautiful process for wedding vows and how to write them, but also a tool to make it a bit easier and less stressful. 

However, you might find yourself loving the element of surprise. If the thought of not having a clue of what your partner’s vows might say makes you giddy and excited, then DO IT! You can still write intentional vows, and create a moment of absolute magic on your wedding day without a structure in place. 

This is all about doing what feels good to you! 

Do we feel excited to exchange vows in front of a crowd? Or does that stress us out? 

For some couples, expressing your love to one another in front of your friends and family is very important. In this moment, your family and friends become part of the promises you are making to each other. This can be very powerful, as it helps to solidify your vows even more. Many couples, while a little nervous, are also very excited to make these commitments aloud, in the company of those they love most.

Pro tip: If you have a large guest list, make sure you have microphones ready so that your guests can hear every sweet word you share. 

OR… you don’t have to share your personal vows during your ceremony and you shouldn’t feel pressured to do so! Couples sometimes feel more comfortable sharing their intentional wedding vows in private. You can exchange them during a first look. You can write letters to one another to read in private or silently during your ceremony. 

No matter where you decide to exchange vows, as a wedding photographer I feel it is my duty to say do not write your wedding vows on your phone. There are beautiful vow books and other options for paper goods specifically for vows. Here are some of my favorites from Etsy! You can trust me on this one! You will be so happy when you see your gorgeous photos (with your iPhone not pictured) and you can keep your vow books forever as a sentimental keepsake! 

Last but not least, remember to look into the eyes of your love when you are sharing your vows. It’s easy to forget, but if you set an intention to do so, you will remember in the moment.

So take a deep breath, perhaps go for some exercise and a shower to ground yourself and feel your best… then sit down and write those vows! Good luck. Have fun. And I can’t wait to capture every sweet moment of your vows on wedding day.